Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on June 26th, 2015, 5:12 pm 

Hi all,

Got some great Toilet Humor to share with everyone. I will have to do it in two posts, as we are limited to 4 images per post. Hope BioWizard doesn't get too upset about my doing this sort of end around.

So without further adieu.. (part-1)

Plumber1.jpg
Whoops...

Plumber3.jpg
Great planning fellows...

Plumber4.jpg
Well.. at least you can't see their faces...

Plumber5.jpg
And the purpose of this door is what...

Don't forget to check the next posting for even funnier images..

Best wishes,
Dave :^)
Last edited by Dave_Oblad on June 26th, 2015, 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on June 26th, 2015, 5:25 pm 

Ok.. now for more Toilet Humor.. (part-2)

Plumber9!.jpg
No sweat, we just cut a shaped notch in the door..

Plumber7!.jpg
Sidesaddle anyone..

Plumber6!.jpg
Fine.. if you're an Orangutang..

Plumber8!.jpg
And my favorite public restroom image.. needs no caption.

I'm sure you will be pleased to know that all the Plumbers employed in making the above decisions have been fired and are now enjoying their new fields in various Government Offices serving the Public's best interests..

Well, hope you have enjoyed my Toilet Humor..

Best wishes for a safe 4Th (for those that celebrate such)
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on June 26th, 2015, 7:14 pm 

I've been laughing so hard I'm a bit flushed!
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on June 27th, 2015, 12:48 am 

Thanks Brain..lol.

The last image above reminds me of a line from Ghost Busters.. can you guess which line?

Best Regards,
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby SciameriKen on June 27th, 2015, 12:52 am 

Don't know why sometimes I can give likes and sometimes I can't but those are funny... Like!
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Re: Good Ones!

Postby Faradave on June 27th, 2015, 1:28 am 

"Whatever you do, don't cross the streams." That might be the only way to make it work simultaneously! (for those with young prostates)

Having grown up with two brothers, I had an unfair advantage. En Garde!
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on June 27th, 2015, 1:35 am 

LMAO!!! Airline humour from Qantas

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on August 7th, 2015, 9:14 pm 

Well, that time of the month again...lol.

FemaleDriver.png

BeQuiet.jpg

PoliceTrap.png

Freakout.jpg

And end with a joke or two:

So I finally landed a job as a Wal-Mart greeter, which is a good find for many retirees, unfortunately I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.” “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just plain stupid?”

So I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, madam. I just couldn’t believe someone would want to sleep with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.


Ok.. one more.. Seen a few posts lately that mention the old parable about some Blind Men and an Elephant. So here is a new spin on that classic:

Six blind elephants were discussing what men were like. After arguing awhile they decided to go find a man and determine what it was really like by direct experience. The first blind elephant felt the man and declared, 'Men are flat.' After the other blind elephants felt the man, they all agreed.

Ok.. until next time.. have a great one!

Best wishes,
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on August 9th, 2015, 8:23 am 

Titanicpants.png

The Turkish caption reads - "If the Titanic sank today" :-)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby zetreque on August 9th, 2015, 7:10 pm 

dilbert200711195248.jpg
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Darby on August 11th, 2015, 12:05 am 

A little Trump humor ... aired tonite on Conan.

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on August 11th, 2015, 11:39 am 

Be nice if the GOP candidate clown car could shove out the misogynists and other Big Gaffe perps, but then again, if someone like Trump or Perry got the nom, it would make it easier for Bernie Sanders to beat them. (* comment intended as humorous, not trying to derail the humor thread by sparking a debate...)

Guy at a political forum I look in on, a staunch right winger, recently said something like, "Hillary's support is sagging as fast as her 67 year old tits." Not surprisingly, he likes Trump. So it reminds me that there are people out there who enjoy his mouthing off, no matter how vile. And emulate it, themselves.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Darby on August 12th, 2015, 12:07 am 

I see Jimmy Fallon climbed aboard the Trump-abuse bandwagon too.



Go Jimmy. :)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Watson on August 12th, 2015, 12:36 am 

Trump is maybe the only politician, not pretending to be something for the election cameras, and not being driven by a party agenda, and not pulling the pork barrel. Ya, we get the US politics, whether we want it or not.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on August 12th, 2015, 4:13 am 

Let's take a break from American politics for a moment.

You can believe this if you choose to.

I went fishing one morning, but after a short time I ran out of prawns.
Then I saw a red belly black snake with a frog in his mouth.
Frogs are good barramundi bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the problem was how to release the snake without getting bitten.
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that bloody snake, with two more frogs.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on August 12th, 2015, 9:21 am 

BWAHAHAHAHA! No thumb up button here, but imagine I pressed one.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby mtbturtle on August 12th, 2015, 9:25 am 

We have a thread in the Politics forum for political cartoons, humor - http://www.sciencechatforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=21624
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Darby on August 13th, 2015, 7:45 am 

Eagle kicks #@$% out of aerial drone.

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Darby on August 21st, 2015, 12:26 pm 

For those who've never had the pleasure, here's a classic example of some of the free webcomics that now abound on the internet.

The Order of the Stick (aka ""OoTS"), which is getting ready to celebrate it's 1,000th issue in a few days.

The theme of this strip is a spoof of the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons RPG game, done in a serialized comic strip format.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on August 24th, 2015, 5:59 am 

I love the American western frontier myths – especially those about the fast-drawing-stare-down cowboys. Here’s one I just heard about.

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.
The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot...
'Could you give me some tips ??' he asked.
The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high - - tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter ??'
'Sure will'
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
'That's terrific!!', said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips ??'
'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it - - that’ll give you a smoother draw'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter ??' asked the young man.
'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
'Wow !!' exclaimed the cowboy. 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips ??'
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there. Coat your gun with it.'
The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man..
'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun somewhere you won’t like, and it won't hurt as much.'
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Darby on August 24th, 2015, 6:06 am 

Nice one. :-)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Watson on August 24th, 2015, 12:32 pm 

HAHA I was expecting the pionist to shoot the cowboy in the wooden eye.


No it's not a typ-o.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Darby on August 26th, 2015, 11:31 am 

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on September 2nd, 2015, 11:12 pm 

Hi all,

The latest from Facebook..

Wet_Floor.jpg
Caution: Wet Floor!

Sticky.jpg
Messy for sure....

SayCheese.jpg
Say Cheese....


Later everyone..

Best wishes,
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby manishsqrt on September 3rd, 2015, 2:45 am 

Once a journalist visited a farmer for an interview and asked question about his goat.
Journalist: How much milk does you goat give?
Farmer: which one, black one or white one.
Journalist: black one.
Farmer: 2 liters a day.
Journalist: And the white one.
Farmer: That one also 2 liters a day.
-----
Journalist: What do you feed them.
Farmer: black one or white one.
Journalist: The black one.
Farmer: with grass.
Journalist: And the white one.
Farmer: With the same grass.
-----
Journalist: And where do you keep them.
Farmer: which one black or white.
Journalist: black one?
Farmer: Under the shade.
Journalist: And white one?
Farmer: Under the same shade..
Journalist got angry now and shouted on the farmer, "why are you asking black or white when the answer is same for both"
Farmer: Because black one is mine.
Journalist: and the white one.
Farmer: That one is also mine..
The reporter fell on ground now.
Farmer smiled and said, now you got it how it feels when you keep us telling same news stories hundreds of time with flashing breaking news ....
:P
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Darby on September 3rd, 2015, 6:11 pm 

Pic of my bathroom door.

Bathroom_lr.jpg


Everyone groans the first time they notice it. ;-)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Darby on September 16th, 2015, 1:33 pm 

This is safe for work. Enjoy.

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on September 23rd, 2015, 11:24 pm 

Hi everyone,

Been a slow one on Facebook this month, but these few caught my eye. Hope you enjoy.

DietProgram.jpg

Cat_Issues.jpg

CatsHateKids.jpg

Have a good one everybody,
Until next time..

Best wishes,
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on September 24th, 2015, 10:19 am 

That middle one got a belly laugh. Thanx, Dave.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on October 9th, 2015, 5:48 am 

A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but
halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing..
They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him
in the course.'

So .... his father sends the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know..
'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm... but you just won't believe this.
They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'

'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year,
his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.

So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news.

Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room,
kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked,

'So, is your daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''

The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that bastard before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer
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