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Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: June 1st, 2012, 7:15 pm
by weakmagneto
I started this thread to share a joke. Feel free to add to this thread. I'm feeling kinda sick tonight so a little laughter often cheers me up and helps me to get better. :)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 1st, 2012, 7:30 pm
by weakmagneto
Because it is fishing season, you fellow fishing lovers out there should enjoy this hilarious video. It is one of my all-time favourites:

http://youtu.be/mArGzsNglCU

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 1st, 2012, 7:30 pm
by Watson
Very funny.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 1st, 2012, 11:03 pm
by Dave_Oblad
Hi all. I always liked this one..

Recorded 911 Emergency Call:

911 Emergency dispatch.
Please calmly state the nature of your Emergency!


Yea.. my name is George and I accidentally shot my buddy Dave while cleaning my rifle. What should I do?

Is Dave alert or even breathing?

I don't think so. I think Dave is dead. What do I do?

Sir.. We first need to be certain that Dave is actually dead!

Wait...(shuffle)(rustle)(cachink)(click)...(BANG !)

Ok.. Now what?



Best wishes,
Dave :^)

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 1st, 2012, 11:08 pm
by weakmagneto
Awesome Dave! Thanks for the belly laff! Here is another joke:

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 2nd, 2012, 2:02 am
by Keep_Relentless
weakmagneto wrote:I started this thread to share a joke. Feel free to add to this thread. I'm feeling kinda sick tonight so a little laughter often cheers me up and helps me to get better. :)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Love this joke (: and Sherlock Holmes xP

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 2nd, 2012, 11:20 am
by mtbturtle
Rene Descartes walks into a resturant and sits down for dinner. The waiter comes over and asks if he'd like an appetizer
"No thank you" says Descartes, "I'd just like to order dinner"
"Would you like to hear our daily specials?" asks the waiter
"No" says Descartes, getting impatient
"Would you like a drink before dinner?" the waiter asks
Descartes is insulted, since he's a tee-totaler
"I think not!" he says indignantly, and POOF! he disappeared.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 2nd, 2012, 1:43 pm
by Watson
From Wiki:
He is perhaps best known for the philosophical statement "Cogito ergo sum" (French: Je pense, donc je suis; English: I think, therefore I am), found in part IV of Discourse on the Method (1637 – written in French but with inclusion of "Cogito ergo sum") and §7 of part I of Principles of Philosophy (1644 – written in Latin).


For those of us that said "?" Even with the protracted understanding, it made me laugh.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 2nd, 2012, 4:48 pm
by Whut

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 2nd, 2012, 9:40 pm
by mtbturtle
Morty comes home to find his wife and his best friend, Lou, naked together in bed. Just as Morty is about to open his mouth, Lou jumps out of the bed and says, “Before you say anything, old pal, what are you going to believe, me or your eyes?”

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 3rd, 2012, 12:06 am
by Watson
So we are not talking about a flute, musically speaking?

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 11th, 2012, 10:21 pm
by weakmagneto
Dam bureaucrats!! This is a hilarious read about an unauthorized dam project - the morale of the story is to get your dam facts straight before making dam accusations! :)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cre ... m-response

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 16th, 2012, 12:59 am
by weakmagneto
In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this toilet.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: June 29th, 2012, 7:00 am
by Percarus
Dan Quayle, what a laugh...




Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: July 12th, 2012, 6:48 pm
by weakmagneto
Bear chillin'

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: July 12th, 2012, 7:46 pm
by weakmagneto
"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to
chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road
next to the course.

"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows
down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and
touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'

"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: July 12th, 2012, 10:42 pm
by Dave_Oblad
A bit of humor from yours truly..

"Life is a Beach"

(Click image to enlarge graphic)

BeachLife.jpg
Life is a Beach.. by Dave :^)

Best to all,
Dave :^)

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: July 15th, 2012, 9:03 pm
by weakmagneto
As a picture in one of my previous posts in this thread, this is the actual video of the bear chilling on a couch at a dump. It is cute and funny!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2295322040727

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine!

PostPosted: July 18th, 2012, 10:22 pm
by weakmagneto
Only in Canada! :D

Joke

PostPosted: July 21st, 2012, 7:46 pm
by Athena
Descartes enters a bar and orders a drink. A short time after he finishes the drink the bar tender asks him if wants another. Descartes says, "I think not" and disappears.

Re: Joke

PostPosted: July 22nd, 2012, 1:51 pm
by Athena
Here is another joke and I should have said I hope everyone adds a joke.

One atom said to another, "I think I have lost an electron". The other atom asks, "are you sure?". And and the first atom says, "I am positive".

Re: Joke

PostPosted: July 22nd, 2012, 3:40 pm
by flannel jesus
Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the same side.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 22nd, 2012, 6:05 pm
by mtbturtle
I merged weakmagneto and Athena's threads and made it a sticky topic. Add your philosophy, science jokes and just plain'ol funnies!

A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, “Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby.” The doctor said, “Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly charged at the man, he picked up the umbrella, shot the bear, and killed it.” The man said, “Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear.” The doctor said, “My point exactly!" ~ Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 23rd, 2012, 2:49 am
by edy420
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did.
Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did.

Not every retard can read, but look at u go!

---------

Q. What do you call nuts on a wall?
A. Wallnuts!

Q. What do you call nuts on your chest?
A. Chestnuts.

Q. What do you call nuts on you chin?
A. Great big cock in your mouth.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 23rd, 2012, 5:07 am
by flannel jesus
Great joke tariiqend

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 24th, 2012, 9:52 pm
by Dave_Oblad
Hi again,

Another piece of original humor & artwork.. by yours truly.

You know you're a redneck when....

Honey.jpg
Redneck Humor by Dave :^)


Hope you enjoyed and best wishes,
Dave :^)

(I thought the flystrip was a nice touch...lol)

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 25th, 2012, 9:26 pm
by weakmagneto
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 26th, 2012, 4:43 pm
by Forest_Dump
While on vacation in Europe, this guy is walking by an old cemetary and hears some beautiful classical music being played. But he notices that it stops before the end. After a minute or so, the music starts up again but again stops, this time even before the last. Puzzled, the guy follows the sound of the music into the cemetary until he reaches an old crypt with the name of the famous Mozart written over the door. Pushing it open he sees a very old corpse playing at a piano and again the music stops at a point even before it had the last time. Unable to control his fear, the guy blurts out a strangled "Oh my God!" The corpse barely looks over at the guy and says "Don't mind me. I'm just decomposing."

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 27th, 2012, 9:08 pm
by weakmagneto
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 27th, 2012, 9:56 pm
by weakmagneto
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. One day he was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the young man for letting him out.

The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one." The young man thought for a minute and said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages and CAPTCHA.