Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby mtbturtle on April 4th, 2013, 11:42 am 

Watson,

and look at a bear the same way! :)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Watson on April 4th, 2013, 11:56 am 

I hadn't thought of that. I have a rabbit out side my window on occasion, is what I was thinking.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on April 11th, 2013, 10:03 pm 

Hi all,

If you are drinking a hot liquid.. then put it down. If you have a mouthful of liquid.. swallow.
Ok.. you may now continue:

In the war between Man and Woman, the following images say it all.

Single.jpg
Single Female VS Single Male

Married.jpg
Married Female VS Married Male

Divorced.jpg
Divorced Female VS Divorced Male

Hope you enjoyed and have a great day..
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Obvious Leo on April 11th, 2013, 10:18 pm 

It's hilarious Dave but not PC. I think your ideological purity is in question.

Regards Leo
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Obvious Leo on April 16th, 2013, 6:32 pm 

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those that get binary and those that don't.

Regards Leo
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on June 19th, 2013, 5:27 pm 

Hi all,

Been awhile since visiting this thread..

Got this off Facebook recently and thought I'd share it here.
Reminds me of the kinds of people I have to deal with on a regular basis.

BadIdea.jpg
Real bad way to start a chainsaw..

I hope everyone is doing well..

Best wishes to all..
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on July 23rd, 2013, 8:03 pm 

Hi all,

I recently made a Red-Pill, Blue-Pill reference (from Matrix) on a thread here and some research turned up this image. I'd like to give credit where credit is due, but don't know the authors name.

But the cartoon speaks for itself.. enjoy.

RedPill-BluePill.jpg
Red Pill or Blue Pill?

Have a great day..

Best wishes,
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby weakmagneto on July 23rd, 2013, 8:30 pm 

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket, so I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby weakmagneto on July 23rd, 2013, 8:41 pm 

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge... Show him your badge!!"
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby weakmagneto on July 23rd, 2013, 9:01 pm 

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Obvious Leo on August 2nd, 2013, 4:01 am 

What if climate change is a big hoax and we create a better world for nothing?
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on August 13th, 2013, 4:12 pm 

Hi Everyone,

Ready for another?

In a time not long ago and a place not far away.. a group of self appointed vigilantes decided the censorship laws were too liberal and descended upon the local library. Being a bit over zealous they virtually emptied the library and created a small mountain of books just outside. The leader of the group then tossed a burning torch on top of the pile as the crowd cheered him on.

One outspoken person pushed his way through the crowd and climbed to the top of the pile. He snatched up the torch and stood up straight to address the crowd. He shouted in a booming voice, "You stupid and ignorant fools.. Has History taught you nothing? .. You don't start a fire from the top!"

Best wishes,
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby weakmagneto on August 22nd, 2013, 8:57 pm 

I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi !, how are you?" Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine". The voice said "So what are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here!". From next door, "Can I come over?". Annoyed, I said " rather busy right now". The voice said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions".
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby weakmagneto on August 29th, 2013, 8:38 pm 

Some soldiers thought it would be funny to give an ak-47 to a chimp, this video illustrates what transpired...

http://youtu.be/GhxqIITtTtU
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby BioWizard on August 30th, 2013, 10:12 am 

Ape... Human... What's the difference...
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Obvious Leo on August 30th, 2013, 3:26 pm 

Did you not love his gesture of triumph at the end? That ape knew exactly what he was doing.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby weakmagneto on August 30th, 2013, 6:44 pm 

Obvious Leo wrote:Did you not love his gesture of triumph at the end? That ape knew exactly what he was doing.


LOOOOOOOVED that!!! I watched it quite a few times enjoying his victory each and every time! haha
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Obvious Leo on September 27th, 2013, 5:45 pm 

An Irish farmer named Shaun had a car accident. He was hit by a large truck.

In court, the Truck Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Shaun.

"Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'asked the solicitor.

Shaun responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details',the solicitor interrupted.'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Shaun said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Shaun's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Shaun thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder.

By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da Heck would you say?*
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby sponge on October 5th, 2013, 3:59 pm 

I’m a sucker for new technology. When I saw a wireless keyboard with built in printer advertised, I had to have it. I sent off the five hundred quid and they sent me a typewriter.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Obvious Leo on October 22nd, 2013, 4:27 pm 

Although not intended as a joke this one caught my eye. In a recent edition of Scientific American, that most prestigious of publications, an advert appeared which began thus: "Heart disease is still the No 1 killer of women, taking the life of 1 in 3 women each year"

They seem to be replenishing their numbers awfully quickly.

Regards Leo
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on December 23rd, 2013, 7:24 am 

Q. - "What do you get if you cross a Post Modernist philosopher with the Mafia?"

A. - "An offer you can't understand !"
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Obvious Leo on December 25th, 2013, 5:50 am 

A Xmas joke for struggling wordsmiths

Q. What are Santa's little helpers called?

A. Subordinate clauses.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Positor on December 25th, 2013, 5:15 pm 

Some philosophical limericks:

You cannot have relative place
In the absence of physical space.
A ring's not a ring
Without some kind of thing
In the middle to make it the case.

There was a philosopher, Quine,
Who said: "You can't hope to define
Two words and then claim
That they mean just the same,
But a rough similarity's fine".

A solipsist's given short shrift;
He propounds a conceptual shift,
But realists scoff
And bellow: "**** off!"
No wonder the poor fellow's miffed.

Some thinkers write books in a style
That percipient readers revile.
Kant's prose may be dense,
But at least it makes sense –
It beats Derrida by a mile.

If your knowledge of science is rough,
You can get by at parties through bluff;
A random wisecrack
About Bohr or Dirac
Will probably serve well enough.

I think Leo's posts are spectacular –
A mixture of Aussie vernacular
And radical notions
Of physical motions,
Which verges upon the oracular.

DragonFly's thought never pauses;
His posts flow in sinuous clauses.
His points are arcane
But he's keen to explain
Any problems his paradigm causes.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby weakmagneto on December 30th, 2013, 11:41 am 

This gave my flu ravaged body and brain a good hearty chuckle. Ahhh, the innocence of children. Enjoy!

39 Test Answers that are 100% Wrong but Totally Genius at the Same Time:
http://distractify.com/fun/fails/test-a ... ll-genius/
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on January 14th, 2014, 9:33 pm 

Hi everyone,

This just crossed my desk:

A teacher was giving a lesson about the circulation of blood. He said: "Now kids, as you know, if I were to stand on my head, the blood would run into it, my face would swell up and I would turn red in the face."

"Wow," the kids chorused....

"So why is it," asked the teacher, "that when I am stand upright, the blood doesn't run into my feet and make them turn red and swollen, like my head?"

The kids pondered for a moment and little Sally raised her hand.

"Yes Sally? Do you know why?" asked the teacher.

Sally voiced her answer: "Because your feet aren't empty!"

Best wishes,
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Watson on January 14th, 2014, 10:18 pm 

I was expecting a penis joke. Dave if your keeping it clean you should warn your audience.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on January 14th, 2014, 10:57 pm 

Hi Watson,

Ok, not wanting to dissappoint..

A drunk came into an old west Saloon. Being broke and wanting a drink, he made a bet with the bar keeper that he could make the horse outside laugh. Taking up the bet, the drunk walked outside and whispered something into the horse's ear. The horse burst out laughing and the drunk won his drink.

The bar keeper asked how he did this amazing feat.. to which the drunk offered another bet.. that he could make the horse cry also. The bar keeper agreed to the bet and the drunk walked out in front of the horse, stood for a moment, and then came back inside. The horse was in tears.

The bar keeper was flummoxed. "Ok, how did you make the horse laugh?", the bar keeper asked.

"Easy", said the drunk, "I told the horse that my organ was bigger than his."

"Ok, then how did you make it cry?", asked the bar keeper.

"Simple.. I showed him!"

Best wishes,
Dave :^)
Last edited by Dave_Oblad on January 14th, 2014, 11:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby ryan711 on January 14th, 2014, 11:21 pm 

Nice joke Dave :)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on January 25th, 2014, 12:25 am 

Hi all,

Have you seen the new string of Karma-Cafe's opening up across the country? They don't have menu's. You get what you deserve.

Best to all,
Dave :^)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_Oblad on February 21st, 2014, 9:30 pm 

Hi folks,

Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Einstein were in a car and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

The officer then conducted a search of the car and opened the trunk. "Hey" says the cop, "Do you guys know you have a dead cat in your trunk?" An angry Schrödinger replied "Well we do now."

Einstein popped up in the back seat, awakened by all the commotion. He told Heisenberg that he just had an Epiphany while napping. Einstein continued, "I just figured out how to avoid Black Hole Issues." Schrödinger asked, "What's a Black Hole?" Einstein answered, "You get them in Black Socks."

The cop returned to Heisenberg and asked to see his License. When he pulled out his wallet, he noticed something was missing. "Dang it!" he said, "I seem to have lost some Electrons." Einstein asked if he was sure. Heisenberg replied, "I'm positive."

Needless to say, they were late for Marconi's marrying of two antennae systems. They missed the actual marriage but thought the reception afterwords was great.

Ok, not knee slappers, but worth the read I thought.

Later..

Dave :^)
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