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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: July 30th, 2019, 12:32 pm
by charon
Time travel?

Been there, done that, invented the T shirt.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: August 15th, 2019, 9:19 pm
by doogles
A drover, who just moved to Queensland from Victoria, walks into a bar and orders three glasses of XXXX.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the drover,
"You know, a glass goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cattleman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One's in 'Tassie' , the other one's a 'sandgroper'.
When we all left our home in Echuca, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The drover becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The drover looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine,’ he explains,
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Salvation Army and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though."

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: August 25th, 2019, 6:05 am
by toucana
"Should I be worried 'bout that Gator ?"
"Naw dude, it's a simple approach shot with a 4 iron, and then roll up to the pin."

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 5th, 2019, 5:01 pm
by doogles
The picture says it all.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 6th, 2019, 8:19 pm
by doogles
Dogs can be a problem these days

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 13th, 2019, 3:21 am
by doogles
Life's Opportunities

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 17th, 2019, 6:47 pm
by TheVat
https://thehill.com/homenews/media/4617 ... ofessional

Who knew normal human empathy was so difficult to fake? JFC!

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 19th, 2019, 6:12 pm
by doogles
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."

The man said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".

The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.

“The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair”

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 19th, 2019, 8:23 pm
by Dave_C
TheVat » September 17th, 2019, 5:47 pm wrote:https://thehill.com/homenews/media/461786-trump-cokie-roberts-never-treated-me-nicely-but-was-a-professional

Who knew normal human empathy was so difficult to fake? JFC!

The man couldn't pass a Turing test let alone fake empathy.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 20th, 2019, 8:11 pm
by toucana
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 24th, 2019, 10:11 am
by TheVat

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 25th, 2019, 4:29 pm
by TheVat
Rudy Giulani was recently spotted wandering a grocery aisle in Greenwich Village, opening milk cartons to check their freshness....

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: September 25th, 2019, 4:36 pm
by TheVat
Meanwhile, the whistleblower has come forward to give a full report of telephone conversations overheard, while working in the White House Situation Room, between Donald Trump and Ukraine's new president....

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: October 2nd, 2019, 4:31 pm
by doogles
A modern touch in churches

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: October 4th, 2019, 12:35 pm
by Dave_C
I spoke to a prophet recently. He told me the year 2020 would be a year of great hindsight.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: October 13th, 2019, 7:12 am
by charon
My wife always complained that I had no sense of direction. So I packed my bags and right.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: October 13th, 2019, 10:08 pm
by charon
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak is thinking up something else.

Lily Tomlin

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: October 14th, 2019, 11:40 am
by TheVat
LOL. Ms. Tomlin honored twice in the past few postings. She's a great comedian and humorist.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: October 15th, 2019, 6:29 pm
by doogles
Snail Pace

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: October 18th, 2019, 3:18 am
by toucana
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: October 23rd, 2019, 4:36 am
by doogles
Mmm.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: November 5th, 2019, 12:26 pm
by hyksos
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: November 5th, 2019, 1:33 pm
by TheVat
And sometimes "didn't" gets inserted by mistake. Like "MBS didn't order the slaughter of Jamal Khashoggi."

That said, can't say I've ever heard anyone say "pacifically" for "specifically."

My personal language pet peeve is when people misuse "literally," when they mean quite the opposite. E.g. "that burrito literally burned my tongue off!" Pretty sure you meant that figuratively.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: November 5th, 2019, 7:31 pm
by charon
What do you get when you throw a copy of the Canterbury Tales in the air?

A flying Chaucer.

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: November 17th, 2019, 2:54 pm
by TheVat
The reality, says Davidson, is that the flat Earth, sun, moon and stars are contained in a "Truman Show"-like dome. From there, pitfalls can be easily dismissed -- like photos of the Earth from space, which flat Earthers believe are photoshopped. "This all goes away if they put a 24/7 camera feed on the moon," he adds.

And Davidson quickly found a large online community believing the same thing. "I thought doing a conference would just take it to the next stage where the media and the world will look at it and say, 'wait a minute -- something must be going on. This is not just some internet fad, or a bunch of crazy people online. They're now meeting in buildings.'"


https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/16/us/flat- ... index.html

Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

PostPosted: November 17th, 2019, 4:46 pm
by hyksos
The opening paragraph to Goodstein's textbook, "States of Matter"


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