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Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 4th, 2016, 11:19 pm
by Scruffy Nerf Herder
Three things to cheer you up:

-Some poor sod got sent to a concentration camp during the war. Upon arrival, he found that he was at least lucky enough to get there just in time for a bit of grub in the mess hall.

While they were all eating, one of the inmates stood up and said: "24!" Immediately, every inmate and even a few guards started guffawing with tears in their eyes. Suddenly, another inmate stood up and said: "32!" That one brought the house down.

Confused, he ate the rest of his meal and resolved to ask one of his cellmates what had happened, later. When asked about it, the fella sharing a bunk with him said: "Oh, we've all heard the same jokes so many times that we just numbered them. You say the number, and everyone remembers it and laughs. We've been here a long time, you know."

The next day, when they sat down to their only meal, it wasn't long before someone stood up and said: "3!" That one was so good that not even a single guard could keep a straight face. Summoning up a little courage, he decided to stand up himself, and timidly said: "Ummm... 51." The silence was deafening. Before he had even sat down, another inmate was telling a joke, and everyone was eating it up.

Later that night, he asked his new friend what the problem was. His friend responded: "Well, some guys can tell a joke, and some guys just can't."

-An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematician thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

-Imo, the best comic strip series on the web.

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 5th, 2016, 3:13 am
by NoShips
Scruffy, can't find the thumbs-up "like" icon to acknowledge your post. Consider yourself acknowledged. Made me chuckle. Thanks!

Erm, 33

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 7:09 am
by NoShips
Ode to an Arsehole

An explanation: (not asking forgiveness; hoping this might aid understanding)

You know my, erm, "condition", I think. If not, let's get explicit: I'm an alcoholic.

Seems, as Tolstoy saw, not all alkies are messed up in the same way: some drink constantly and apparently are able to function, even if minimally. That's not me; more the werewolf type here.

It probably sounds silly, but the werewolf, or the Incredible Hulk (as in that 70s TV series), actually provides a remarkably felicitous analogy for a binge drinker like myself. This is how these things go:

Generally several weeks will go by of complete stability; nary a drop consumed. But you can count on these demons to return -- full moon and all that -- they always do. So then we get several days of almost non-stop, daylong alcohol abuse, with only inconveniences such as unpostponeable biological movements (showering can wait), sleeping, and the occasional coffee to interfere with the consummate craftman's dedication to self-destruction. The alcohol brings with it delusions of grandeur, superiority, charm, and wit (which, for reasons that remain opaque to me, no one else can see).

Finally, we trundle to a halt, on the grounds that the body simply cannot take any more. We, I mean me, awake bloody, bruised, sick, dazed, shirtless, exhausted, was gonna say hungry but that takes days to return, full of self-loathing and hatred, shame, disgust, guilt, inferiority, uselessness, embarrassment for the few who still love me (bless you), and a dozen other Freudian wet dreams.

But most of all, far and away, the worst thing among myriad horrors, I come back to reality with feelings of dread, horror, and terror at the possibility that I may have caused pain to a fellow human being, which I almost certainly did. (not violence, please understand. Tried that once in Govan, but they hit back [that's an attempt at a joke, Eclo :) ]. Just a big mouth with inhibitions in a catatonic state somewhere.)

I know I have been rude to certain members here during the most recent attack, in particular Biowizard and Eclogite. I am truly, sincerely, genuinely, terribly sorry. Your judgement of me (= asshole) is wholly justifiable; I'd feel the same way too if I wasn't me. If it's any consolation, no one despises the drunk more than he despises himself.

I'd like to say, wish I could say, you hate something that isn't me, and certainly wasn't me once, but probably too late for that. Seems I'm stuck with it.

Erm, anyone wanna swap conditions? Haemorrhoids will be just fine.

Yours wretchedly

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 10:08 am
by NoShips
Or in layman's terms... we both know I am not what you need

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:06 am
by BadgerJelly
Well if you wanna stop find help? If not then so be it.

I knew a guy round here who was a terrible alcohlic and valium abuser. He died last year and most people were quietly thankful. I tried to converse with him and he was a smart guy, but then fell into a cycle you seem to say you mirror to some degree ... I gave up realising he was a lost cause. He actually seemed proud of being a complete dick and it felt like he felt that alcoholism was a way to distance himself from his actions, and himself.

If you want one motherload of a kick up the arse then I could suggest something.

Often drug abuse is a way of dealing with a "brain disorder", but sometimes its just simply a string of bad choices and/or bad luck.

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:09 am
by NoShips
Well, I've read a few books about it. The brain gets damaged. I mean, in normal cases.

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:11 am
by NoShips
And it's my second favourite organ.

May I say, before I submit to the Korean supermodels awaiting upstairs.... Badger, wish ah could tawk loik you innit

Dang, you're clever

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:12 am
by BadgerJelly
I meant congenial disorders. But hey! Wot eva!

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:14 am
by NoShips
what a swell party this is

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:16 am
by BadgerJelly
Chicks with dicks? Haha XD

Seriously, the cure is in deepest darkest Peru my friend ... well cure/insanity.

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:17 am
by NoShips
Yeah, well, if you're willing to de-esculate, I'll take you to Papua New Guinea.

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:18 am
by NoShips
You might fit in :-)

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:19 am
by NoShips
after you learn how to spell "begin" pwopahly, guvnor *poke*

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:30 am
by BadgerJelly
Paddington is better than Pooh bear ;)

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 11:40 am
by NoShips
Why, questions were raised in the House over "egin".

So much for reliable sources.

Re: Lugubriosity

PostPosted: December 6th, 2016, 5:36 pm
by Dave_Oblad
Hi all,

I had a friend that was a happy drunk. But alcohol was interfering with his ability to hold down a job. Without a job, you live on the street.. not fun.

A friend of his suggested the AA. He took the advice and found they tried to replace Alcohol with God. He now questions his every action as being sinful or not. He was always trying to second guess God's will, which made him extremely neurotic. His fear and insecurity put him in the position of asking everyone he met to pray with him for God's divine guidance. I preferred the happy drunk as a friend. Needless to say, he still lives out of his car and can't hold a job for long.. but for a different reason now.

I had to put distance between us as I know, sooner or later, he will ask me to provide shelter for him. I tried that several decades ago, it didn't work and I had to kick him out. I couldn't afford a freeloader and all his drama.

So today, he is cyclic. Between God and binge drinking which results in self loathing in forsaking God. He works odd jobs to feed his body and habits, but still lives out of his car.

It's a shame, because under it all, he is a nice person. But I don't know how to help him. I only know he needs to learn moderation in whatever mode he chooses to exist.

Dave :^)