new particle found at CERN

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new particle found at CERN

Postby TheVat on April 1st, 2016, 10:48 am 

Just saw a report from the COTTO* accelerator at CERN (sometimes called "the big salami")...they finally found the long-sought particle called the smithereen.  Lead researcher "Yosemite" Sam Bosoni was quoted as saying, "I blew that dadblanged goldurned quark to smithereens!"  Deviations from chance, at an energy spike of 42 eV, at 5.2 sigma, which is strongly confirmatory of the elusive smithereen. The experiment, using the PEPPERCORN detector, has been running for 2 years. The particle's existence means the Standard Model of physics will have to be abandoned, and replaced by an even sillier one.

* Collider of Terribly Tiny Objects
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Re: new particle found at CERN

Postby Watson on April 1st, 2016, 12:28 pm 

I read somewhere they had installed the megatrode booster. Wonder if the extra energies made this discovery possible?




(Can't believe this was 4000. And no chipmunks?)
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Re: new particle found at CERN

Postby TheVat on April 1st, 2016, 1:16 pm 

Definitely a factor. Also, I had heard that the new Ultrasharp Subatomic Razor, first developed by Colin Planck of Slough, England as a means of shaving facial and head hair to the aptly-named Planck Length, was used to cut the quarks open. Some kind of preonic lotion was also critical to the process.
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Re: new particle found at CERN

Postby Watson on April 1st, 2016, 1:34 pm 

Bit of a surprise the SM is now so flawed.

I was thinking DavidO would have had something to say, on some subject or other.
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Re: new particle found at CERN

Postby Natural ChemE on April 1st, 2016, 2:13 pm 

Braininvat,

This opens up a whole new framework for quantum tunneling and another for spin! The new Standard Model's going to be interesting, if a tad Looney.

Clearly, dark matter's just ordinary tunneling matter that took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
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Re: new particle found at CERN

Postby ronjanec on April 1st, 2016, 4:49 pm 

I follow fellow forum member Don Lincoln's posts on his public Facebook page, and I remember that he mentioned something about this to everyone a few weeks ago.

I remember that he sounded pretty excited at least about the possibility of this new particle, but urged caution for everyone until scientists like himself could investigate this a lot further.

Ok, I get the joke now, it's April Fools day(duh)
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Re: new particle found at CERN

Postby Dave_Oblad on April 1st, 2016, 4:52 pm 

Update:

The latest release from CERN by Professor E. W. Granny was the establishment of a new Constant for the Quantum Energy level of a single Smithereen. It turns out to be sums of (TW)+(EE)+(TY)+(3.1415).

She measured this value in the Telemetry Array Tube (TAT for short) configured for PUDDY stress events displayed through Tunneled Aggregate Windows (TAW for short) .

A Technician claims to have overheard the Comment: "I Taut I Taw a Puddy Tat". However, this Tech was unwilling to comment further at this Time. We are still waiting for further details to be released regarding this recent Ground Breaking Event.

Con_CERN Release, Apr 1st, 2016.
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Re: new particle found at CERN

Postby TheVat on April 1st, 2016, 6:25 pm 

Excellent update, DaveO. And NatChem's wiki entries were immensely helpful, too, in helping us know what's up, doc.

There is another paper at ArXiv, which deals with the decay products of the short-lived smithereen....these are referred to as "SU (fer)(In) + SU(CC)-0 (TASH)!"
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