Scientific Jokes!

[Virulent]

Got a funny witty science-flavored joke? Here's the place to share it with others :)

A chicken and an egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... Well, I guess we finally answered "THAT question!"

[Virulent]

Did you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized one and kept the other as a control.

[Drkenigma]

An ion walks into a bar looking really depressed, the barman asks why he looks so sad and the ion says he has lost an electron, the barman asks is he sure and the ion replies I am positive!

[BioWizard]

HAHA!

thanks for the thread. Looking forward to more funny jokes!

[Virulent]

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

[Virulent]

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: " How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".

[PlayTOE]

A frog went to visit a fortune teller. "What do you see in my future?" asked the frog.

"Very soon," replied the fortune teller. "you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"That's great!" said the frog, hopping up and down excitedly. "But when will I meet her?"

"Next week in science class." said the fortune teller.

[han_solo94]

From a T-shirt on Thinkgeek.com


There are 10 types of people in this world. those that understand binary and those that don't


Han

[Virulent]

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.". The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced". The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again."

[Virulent]

* The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.

* It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger then the previous record.

* Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.

* You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. (Albert Einstein)

* Absolute zero is cool.

* Black Holes suck...

[jc__denton]

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An Abelian grape.



I have a quantum car - every time I look at the speedometer, I get lost.


Red bumper sticker on a car: "If this sticker is blue, you're going too fast"

[jc__denton]

Two bytes are in a bar. One says to the other, "I'm not feeling that well. I think I have a parity error". The other byte responds, "I thought you looked a bit off!"


Q: What do you call a Polack in an F15?
A: A simple pole in a complex plane.
(Hey, I am a Pole so I am allowed to tell Polish jokes, OK? :) )

[lucretiaX]

In the spirit of all the Egyptian talk recently, I recieved this one today:

http://sixsixfive.com/109.html



:lol:

[Rettaw]

Q:What do you get when you differentiate with respect to radius ?
A: East germany

Q: Why did the chiken cross the möbius strip ?
A: To get to the same side

Q: Asked if he believes in one God, a mathematician answered:
A: "Yes, up to isomorphism."

Q:What is a dilemma?
A: A lemma that proves two results.

[dho]

I like this hypothesis for intelligent design.

[BioWizard]

Perhaps the songs are not intended to be funny, but I couldnt stop laughing when I heard the oxidative phosphorylation jingle. Enjoy!

http://www.science-groove.org/Now/

[Fuqin]

Most of you may already know this one. theirs a pessimist an optimist and an engineer all discussing a ½ glass of water the pessimist says well its half empty, the optimist says its half full, the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. I liked it lol:)

[Fuqin]

I just saw something which I thought was hysterical on the ABC science site Australia, someone asked what time would it be if you were standing on the nth pole-----reply>
From: Chrispen Evan ® 21/02/2006 10:46:33 PM

Subject: re: Pole Time post id: 2103566
>>>>at what time?
beer o'clock?
. LOL :lol:
http://www2b.abc.net.au/science/k2/stn/

[Fuqin]

Q:-What is The Dopeler effect ?
A:-It’s the effect of stupid ideas sounding more reasonable the faster they come at you

[darwinlemmings]

It's an atom's birthday party and he has just had cake. Atom: "Man, am I excited!"

[Amtekoth]

From the Lab Bratz webcomic:
Trying to make sense of your data...

[ChaosTheory]

Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says, and vanishes in a puff of logic.

[Amtekoth]

Most of you may already know this one. theirs a pessimist an optimist and an engineer all discussing a ½ glass of water the pessimist says well its half empty, the optimist says its half full, the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. I liked it :):)

Gary Larson once did a "Glass-half-full" joke.

The 4 types of people:
:D : "The glass is half full!"
:( : "The glass is half empty."
:? : "Half full.. um, half empty...ummm...I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?"
:x : "Hey! I ordered a cheeseburger!"

[Glen]

The question is: Is the glass half empty or half full? The optimist says, "Half full." The pessimist replies, "Half empty." I say, "depends on what's in the glass."

[Glen]

A scientist is experimenting on a frog. He says to the frog, "jump frog," and the frog jumps. So he writes in his note pad: frog jumps on command. Then he takes a scalpel and cuts one of the frog's front legs off, and once again says to the frog, "Jump frog," and the frog jumps. So he writes in his note pad: when left front leg is removed, frog jumps on command. He takes the scalpel and cuts the other front leg off, and says to the frog, "Jump frog," and the frog still jumps, so he writes in his note pad: when right front leg is removed, frog jumps on command. He then takes the scalpel and cuts off one of the frog's hind legs, and says to the frog, "jump frog," and though a little wobbley, the frog jumps on command. So he writes in his note pad: when right rear leg is removed, frog jumps on command. He then takes his scalpel and cuts off the last leg of the frog, and says, "Jump frog." The frog doesn't jump. The scientist lowers his head closer to the frog and yells, "Jump frog, jump" But the frog doesn't jump. So the scientist writes in his note pad: when left rear leg is removed, frog cannot hear.

[psionic11]

Woot, lots of good jokes here. I'm still smiling 10 minutes later... top favorites:

6) There are 10 types of people in this world: those that understand binary and those that don't.

5) Two bytes are in a bar. One says to the other, "I'm not feeling that well. I think I have a parity error". The other byte responds, "I thought you looked a bit off!"

4) It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger then the previous record.

3) Red bumper sticker on a car: "If this sticker is blue, you're going too fast"

2) Q:-What is The Doppler effect ?
....A:-It’s the effect of stupid ideas sounding more reasonable the faster they come at you.

LOL, #2 is hilarious. And #1, don't know what it is, but I love it... way funny to me --

1) Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says, and vanishes in a puff of logic.

More, more funny science jokes please, tyvm )

[psionic11]

Giacomo: Given a glass with water in it to the midpoint, is the glass half full? Prove it!

DarrenLo: Let x = the water; let y = the air, therefore x + y = 1, thus x = 1 - y. Q.E.D.

Lincoln: Given that matter is mostly empty, the glass is 99.9999% empty.

Biowizard: Given the water vapor in the air above, the glass is more full than not.

Marshall: Accounting for the (as yet) undetectable dark matter portion, the glass is half full.

Galatomic: Define full.

Paul Anthony: Define empty.

Sparky: Does it matter?

psionic: Well, according to Wiki....

Pesla: The rainbow of iridiscent shimmer on the surface hints at the depth of the water below.

ForestDump: This issue has been a central point of contention for decades. I would recommend reading Laslow's "The History of Glass-gazing, a Cultural View."

Glen: Laslow was known to be an apologist water-drinker. The glass is not the point.

SmallMind: Science cannot answer this question, as it does not deal with the real.

Neo: There is no glass.

Sisyphus: I'm thirsty! =)

Goingtothedogs: Interesting question, I'd like to see how this turns out.

Cloudy-a: Just thought I'd mention that this happens to me all the time in the lab. I'll take 25% ammonium persulfate out of the -20 freezer and it'll be liquid until I shake it and then bam it's frozen...

mtbturtle: This thread is no longer funny. Please be funny or I will have to move this to the "Anything Philosophy" forum.

[BioWizard]

Wow, that was very good!

[kudayta]

Well done psionic

[psionic11]

Hehe, thanks. I had actually gone to bed after the first post, but wanted to contribute something funny instead of just quoting jokes. My mind started poring over scientific subject matter worthy of bad joke-making, then finally a variation of the glass joke struck; then how a physicist would answer, then a philosopher, and then things got personified quickly and it created itself =)

My two main worries were that I'd forget someone or that someone would take it personally. My apologies (if needed) and thanks for playing. Now for a bad joke that's still lingering from pre-dream state:

Q: Why take English and math before Logic?
A: You'll deal with circular arguments and add homonyms.