Scientific Jokes!

Science fun for all. Science fairs, homemade experiments, amateur microscopy, comics, puzzles, videos, or anything else you'd like to share.

Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby psionic11 on October 8th, 2007, 10:59 am 

Heisenberg: It's half full. No, wait. It's half empty. Gosh, you know, I'm not sure.

Sharp 3rd-grader: It's both -- half full AND half empty. Can't you see?

George Boole: If it's half empty AND it's half full, then it's half full. Otherwise, it's half empty.

John Venn: The water and the air are subsets of the glass. The glass is the whole.

Edward Witten: The glass forms a constricted closed loop, bounding the water, with the surface of the water acting as an m-brane between the water and the air. All sets are saturated.

Richard Dawkins: The question is yet another meme dealing with attempting to discern the nature of something which is outside the bounds of normal human perception.

Timothy Leary: Let's add some koolaid to it and ask again. Why not?

Albert Einstein: God does not drink water, or koolaid, for that matter.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Lincoln on October 8th, 2007, 11:02 am 

Your first list of answers by regulars did a wonderful job of personifying each of us. Great job!
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Forest_Dump on October 8th, 2007, 12:07 pm 

Well I'm not so sure about that. While obviously an attempt at satire, when satire is taken out of cultural context it can provide some unanticipated consequences. In fact, if you read Voltaire's "History of Satire",... Ummm, never mind.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby psionic11 on October 8th, 2007, 6:49 pm 

Hehe thanks =) Speaking of cultural context, in all this time that was my first visit to The Lounge -- didn't even know it existed on the SCF/PCF. Too bad the other stars of the dialog are going to miss out, I'd like to hear their reactions as well. Ah well, can't have it all.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Glen on October 8th, 2007, 9:01 pm 

psionic,

I don't come to the lounge often, but I'm glad I did today. That really is excellent. Leaves me with a warm feeling and a big grin. You ole lacuna head you. :)
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby mtbturtle on October 9th, 2007, 11:23 am 

I would be remiss if I didn't

nonfunny stuff moved here - http://www.philosophychatforum.com/bull ... php?t=6997

BE! FUNNY! IMMEDIATELY! OR ELSE!!!!!
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby psionic11 on October 9th, 2007, 1:18 pm 

Blind man walks into a bar with his little seeing eye dog. Just before the bartender reaches him, the guy starts whirling his poor dog around by the leash.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" the bartender screams.

"Ah, just looking around," the blind man calmly replies.

(sorry for the non-science part, just wanted to avoid the "or else")
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby psionic11 on October 10th, 2007, 8:52 am 

True story, from a techie forum

I had a user call in one day. "yes, I can log into my computer, it says password expired". "Ok, what is your name, and I'll give you a one time password to reset it." "My name is ............." 5 seconds later... "Ok, your one time password is "password", all lowercase". "Ok thanks!," **click** 5 minutes later... "I just called and had my password reset and it doesn't work" "You're typing in password all lower case correct?" "yes, I think you forgot to reset it". "Ok, I just reset it again....just in case". "It's still no working." "Ma'am, how are you spelling password?" "P A S T W O R D".

"Ma'am, password has 2 S's, and no T"
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby psionic11 on October 12th, 2007, 5:00 am 

What did the drunk say as he passed the mental institution?

"I'd rather have this bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

(And that was just before he told the cop, "I'm not as think as you drunk I am, ossifer.")
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby psionic11 on October 15th, 2007, 11:09 pm 

From the series Firefly, the Jaynestown episode:

SETUP:
(scene: Shepherd Book is babysitting River, the young but troubled girl prodigy, who is "editing" his Bible)

(Shepherd enters room, tray of dinner in hand)

Shepherd: What are we up to, sweetheart?
River: Fixing your bible.
Shepherd: I, uh, (prepared us)....WHAT?!!
River: Bible's broken... contradictions, false logistics, it doesn't make sense.
Shepherd (walking up to River): N-n-no, no, you can't...
River: (interrupting) So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there... (to herself): eleven... important number... prime number... one goes into the house of eleven 11 times but always comes out one...


PUNCHLINE:
(River looks up from the bible and looks Shepherd straight in the eye)
River: Noah's Ark is a problem...
Shepherd: Really?
River: We'll have to call it "early quantum-state phenomenon"... (chuckling)... only way to fit 5,000 species of mammal on the same boat...
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby goingtothedogs on October 16th, 2007, 9:22 am 

Fabulous! Laughed my socks off.....
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby mtbturtle on October 16th, 2007, 12:06 pm 

goingtothedogs wrote:Fabulous! Laughed my socks off.....


If he gave you the rest of the scene it would still be funny but not so much in the way it is now ;)

He cut off before Shepherd's reply which was roughly... you don't fix the bible it fixes you.

Book: River, you don't... fix the Bible.

River: It's broken. It doesn't make sense.

Book: It's not about... making sense. It's about believing in something. And letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith, River. It fixes you.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby goingtothedogs on October 17th, 2007, 5:04 am 

You're right; still funny but differently so:

You'll appreciate by now I imagine my personal stance on "Faith".

:-)
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Sci-Fry on October 19th, 2007, 11:54 am 

What do you get if you cross a barium with two sodiums?

A BaNaNa!

Lol, how lame xD
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby psionic11 on October 19th, 2007, 12:38 pm 

Sci-Fry wrote:What do you get if you cross a barium with two sodiums?

A BaNaNa!

:), how lame xD


I likey =) Bad jokes involving wordplay are my cup of tea.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby gregoryholyk on April 30th, 2013, 2:12 pm 

What do you do to a dead chemist! You Barium!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Ursa Minimus on April 30th, 2013, 2:59 pm 

There are few good sociology as science jokes. This one should make it clear why.




--------------------------



Person: How many sociologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Sociologist: One. Unless you need a ladder and then maybe two people which, according to Simmel, would be a dyad.

Person: :/



Sociologist: I wonder how come that joke is so prevalent and continues to thrive in our society? What about its basic symbolism do we recognize? Is it the token symbol of technology that we embrace as society has become more and more divided by labour?

Person: :|


Sociologist: Or perhaps it is some kind of jab at labour unions. Maybe the origin is from management versus union workers because unionized workers would be most likely the ones to change a light bulb and this is really a conflict perspective.

Person: (walking away)

Sociologist: (chasing after the person). This wouldn't even translate into places without the basic technology of electricity. Sapir-Whorf! Sapir-Whorf!

Person: (running)

Sociologist: Wait! Stop! Why are you running? Don't you want me to change the light bulb?

--------------



This one should work cross discipline:



A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?" "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians"

"Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?" "I am! But how did you know?"

"Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!"

"Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?"

"Geeze! How'd you know that????"

"You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!

---------------------




BTW, did you hear about the General Motors test for autocorrelation? Or the General Mills test for serial correlation?
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Nigel Middleton on April 19th, 2014, 2:46 pm 

Virulent wrote:Got a funny witty science-flavored joke? Here's the place to share it with others :)

A chicken and an egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... Well, I guess we finally answered "THAT question!"

Chicken with cigarette this is really awesome. I want to make chicken fry but i don't know about the process. Please give me some information about this.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby zetreque on May 7th, 2014, 2:04 pm 

yesterday this girl in my chemistry class pointed out to the teacher that there was a lot of negativity in his lectures.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Iris314 on May 15th, 2014, 12:35 pm 

What gave birth to the universe?

the big bang
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Nicholas_DeH on June 3rd, 2014, 3:34 am 

Chemistry joke. See if you can get all the hidden funniness!

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby zetreque on June 3rd, 2014, 10:32 am 

Nicholas_DeH » Mon Jun 02, 2014 11:34 pm wrote:Chemistry joke. See if you can get all the hidden funniness!

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.02 x 10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.


avocadro's guacamole :)
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby ForScience33 on August 18th, 2014, 12:07 pm 

Never trust atoms, they make up everything!
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby ForScience33 on September 14th, 2014, 10:23 am 

How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Sara001 on November 18th, 2014, 5:33 pm 

A sick and weak heart woke up to find himself in jail one morning.

Apparently, he had experienced cardiac arrest the night before.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Watson on November 18th, 2014, 10:51 pm 

ForScience33 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 11:07 am wrote:Never trust atoms, they make up everything!



Quarks??
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Braininvat on November 19th, 2014, 1:22 am 

Sara001 » November 18th, 2014, 3:33 pm wrote:A sick and weak heart woke up to find himself in jail one morning.

Apparently, he had experienced cardiac arrest the night before.


Aorta behaved himself.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Watson on December 21st, 2014, 1:20 pm 

Iris314 » Thu May 15, 2014 11:35 am wrote:What gave birth to the universe?

the big bang


Big Bird. The quark stork.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby viswa1991 on April 18th, 2015, 5:08 am 

I'm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
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Re: Scientific Jokes!

Postby Watson on April 18th, 2015, 11:05 am 

Yes it is very up lifting.
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