Creationism's Golden Age

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Creationism's Golden Age

Postby hyksos on September 23rd, 2019, 4:57 pm 

Creationism's Golden Age :
When observations of nature were totally consistent with Biblical Creationism.

All the volumes of observations of the natural world are perfectly consistent with Biblical creationism. I will describe how we know this.

By April of 1864, Gregor Mendel starting using a digital SLR camera to take high-resolution photos of rows of pea plants at the plantation. The DSLR was networked, and would send the color images to a hard drive in his shed by bluetooth. I mean, this was way faster than having to view each individual plant and write something down in a notebook by hand, once for each of the 23,000 plants. I mean -- that would take forever, wouldn't it?

So yeah.

Mendel emailed his datasets to the Pope who was in Rome at the time. By emailing his 400 MB archive, the data arrived much faster that had it been written in 60 pounds of notebooks taken by horse and buggy. So the priests and bishops analyzed Mendel's data using the powerful suite of data analytics software they had at the Vatican. By the next morning, the Pope texted Mendel back telling him that he received the datasets. Pope Pius IX communicated with Mendel in English (..for some reason..)

By Thursday, June 17, 1864, the Vatican data analytics teams concluded that Mendel's datasets were quote, "consistent with Biblical Creation as described in Genesis".

Mendel posted his datasets of the pea plants to the website of the Imperial Austrio-Hungarian Academy of Genomics, near the border of Prussia. At first, Mendel's observational dataset received little attention. A more famous scientist, Charles Darwin, had recently posted the fully-sequenced genomes of several bird species collected from the Galapagos, onto the same website. The Imperial academy was too distracted by the Darwinian buzz to notice Mendel's submission.

You know : posting to the website was way faster than having to sail back across the Atlantic ocean with heavy notebooks. So anyways..

Japanese and Chinese research teams investigated the datasets after downloading them, and found they were "quite consistent" with Genesis chapter 2. One Japanese researcher texted Mendel, saying "We have processed your data. Great news : God did it."

(Also This Japanese researcher somehow spoke English.)

So this was the beginning of a Golden Age of creationism. The high speed fiber optic networks of the 1860s facilitated the unbridled transmission and broadcast of scientific data into all corners of the world. And everyone spoke English too (somehow). It was a heady and exciting time in science in which everyone in the world was fully aware of the myriad observational data collected from nature, and they were all able to see how it fully supported the hypothesis of Divine Creative Action.

This golden age was only brought to an end when the evil, spineless secularists imposed their newfangled "fashionable" interpretations onto the data. They plotted, schemed, and twisted the data to make it fit into a totally naturalistic account of biological origins. With their arbitrary and barely-philosophical viewpoint imposed onto science by force, they set about removing God from schools. This dire trend eventually ushered in a dark ages of godless secularism.
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Re: Creationism's Golden Age

Postby bangstrom on September 24th, 2019, 3:35 am 

The entire Vatican library is now on-line thanks to the discovery of the parchment CD's. Also, English has always been the lingua franca for science and business. If English was good enough for Jesus, it is good enough for everybody.
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