When Is Masculinity, Toxic

[charon]

I think Edy's posts are reflective of his mindset and a certain culture. And I know, to our minds, it all seems rather archaic and outmoded but he's being open about it. Every intimate relationship where there's affection can have its little foibles that seem amusing to others. For all I know Dave might call his wife Munchkin or Foofles or something!

And, for all we know, Edy's Queen might actually rule the roost with a rod of iron :-)

People are funny, you know?

Unilateral decisions, the finest flower of a healthy relationship!

Can't argue with that one.

Well, he wanted to know when masculinity becomes toxic. There's certainly a case - when important decisions stop being unilateral. Except when that state is a cultural norm, and that has absolutely happened historically in European countries. Good lord, women only got the vote a relatively short time ago - 1920 in the States.

Personally, I think if you asked a lot of women they'd say that masculinity was always pretty toxic as far as they were concerned, n'est-ce pas?

[Serpent]

Why does that sound strangely familiar?

[charon]

Because it's extremely familiar!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_rights

[edy420]

Davidm,

LOL

If it's dysfunctional, at least it's less dysfunctional than 10 years ago. When I was toxic. My expectations were on her, instead of me.

By that I mean, I expected dinner ready by 6pm. It was destructive to enforce as a toxic male. Now I expect myself to help her have dinner ready. The only one I need be upset with, is me if I'm too lazy.

The gimmick was simply calling her a Queen for a response. I thought I had to be her slave, which I was in the beginning when first trying to shed my toxicity. But she grew to resent me in a different way. Now though, I don't introduce her as my Queen to make her blush. I'm dead serious, that is how I think of her.

Eventually the men's group helped me figure out who I am. Its difficult when you grew up fatherless, with an alcoholic mother. I have 5 siblings, and between us, we have 4 different fathers. Initially I learned how to be a man from my mother. Then from TV. Then from men's groups and counceling. And now from God.

In all the ways to learn to be a man, the Bible has taught me to be a King. My goal is to be a King, respected by his Kingdom. And so far its paying off.

If your calling me out, then I'm glad. I entered this topic wondering if I'm still a toxic male, which is why I've been so open. But a little reading and reflecting, I'm confident that I now have a firm grasp on what is toxic masculinity and what is necessary. I wondered if, thinking of myself as a King is toxic, even if it benifits everyone. A little egotistical perhaps, but not toxic.

I do have many examples where yes, I am thinking of myself and my Queen benifits. I don't see anything wrong with that, so I don't understand your rhetoric. I also have many examples where I am fully thinking of my Queen.

Why is it important to not do anything without expecting anything? I remember the phrase, love is giving without expecting anything in return. I disagree. If this is your position then perhaps you can eleborate your position so I can better understand your humour..

[edy420]

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