On death and dying

[ALF]

We all die some day. We don’t like to think about it and keep ourselves busy, starting projects with definite goals and completion timeframes and that gives us a feeling of permanence. We don’t look beyond the projected end-dates, this way we don’t have to think about the futility of it all.

Don’t take me wrong, I am not depressed or scared, I am only brutally honest with myself.

What intrigues me is that my death will be a unique event in the universe. It has never happened before and it will only happen once. The fact that billions of human beings have died during history and a lot more will, every day, is not really relevant. My death will still be a unique event.

In a way, when I die, the world will die too. My world. The only one that exists for me. The one that started when I was born and will end with me. All the stars will wink out, all the people, cities, buildings, mountains, oceans will be gone too. Cats, dogs, butterflies, squirrels, deer, raccoons, roses, sunflowers all disappear.

I was totally convinced about oblivion after a surgery. I remember the doctor talking to me and then, in an eye-blink, talking to me again – except that was 3 hours later. I had total oblivion for 3 hours. If that can happen for 3 hours, it can happen for eternity.

In view of the above, I find human causes and obsessions pretty silly. Why work ourselves up into a state, why get so excited about non-issues? Try to live, day by day, the best way we can, without hurting anyone, maximizing comfort and minimizing pain. It will be over soon.

Of course young people (which I am not) can not live like that, they need to believe in the future, they need to have goals and a feeling of progress, accomplishments. However, one word of caution: don’t live too much in the future: enjoy every second of your life in the present to the fullest because it will never come back. With every extra day you live, you have one less day left.

With this cheerful thought I will go back to building my greenhouse because I want to eat my own home-grown fresh tomatoes in January.

[NORMLme]

I love everything you wrote! And I will take your advise as best as I can being a "young" person :) It sounds a little funny/morbid, but I sometimes say alloud, "I'm going to die some day." -- no matter where I am -- It really keeps my mind in check with the things I think are relevant at the time, but know they're not. Not too long ago I had the thought of being dead and what I would "see". Then my thoughts lead me to wondering what a person who died, but was brought back to life "saw" while dead. If the answer is nothing, then I want to learn to appreciate (sp?) the things I experience with my senses with more intensity. Not just a, "Oh wow." But a knock-you-off-your-feet feeling at such things like dirt, animals, and bodies of water. For all I know, I won't be alive as long as you, ALF. What are we all waiting for?!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so lucky to be able to think these thoughts and come to this realization.

[ALF]

When you find yourself old, with a few years, maybe a decade left to live, your understanding (both intellectual and emotional) is a lot deeper. Now you know that it can happen any day. By now you have seen people dying, their lives slipping away into oblivion, their bodies rendered to ashes – you know that your turn will come soon. You may have spent days, months, years by the bedside of a cherished person, suffering from a deadly disease, praying to a god you never believed in, for recovery.

The enormity of the concept, the finality, the relentlessness of marching, day by day, toward of oblivion makes it so real that no teenager, or even middle aged person can experience (with a very few exceptions).

You find yourself slowly putting your affairs in order, summarizing your life experiences in your writings, worrying about those you will leave behind. You stop taking issues seriously, issues that made you burn with passion before suddenly start looking silly.

You also start feeling what a precious gift life has been, what a marvelous opportunity it was to live on this planet with all its beauty, truth and love. You will start cherishing every moment in every day with an intensity you never felt before. A sunset, the flight of a bird, the cavorting of a kitten, the smile on the face of your beloved, become glorious reminders of what life is about. When you reach this stage, you are ready, you have finally understood life and made your peace with death.

No teenager or young adult should experience this ahead of their time. They need to live in their present, plan for their future, be passionate about issues, experience the thrill of new discoveries, new truths, find soulmates, have a family, find their place in the world.

Experiencing the ephemeral nature of all that, with the finality of old age, would be a cruel and unusual punishment. They should celebrate their existence in the best way possible: with creativity, with accomplishments, with love. I know I did and I am happy nobody robbed me of it. Not that they could have -- I was irrepressible!

[Typist]

One by one each of our friends gets in their car and drives off down the highway out of town, never to be seen again. Given that none of our friends have ever come back to offer a report, not a single one, our knowledge about where they might have gone appears to be zero.

While some may ask us to be brutally realistic, and accept the fact of oblivion, oblivion is hardly a fact. It is rather, an unproven assumption that some choose to accept, as is fully their right.

Given that we all face the firing squad with no chance of appeal, what's a rational response?

If we are in a position to know some facts, then one rational choice could be to face whatever facts we have.

We do know for sure our body is going to be destroyed, so there's one fact we can choose to embrace. But, I've read that every cell in our body is replaced every seven years, so apparently who we were a few years ago is already literally physically destroyed anyway. So, this can quickly get rather muddled....

A central question might be....

When we say "I will die", who is I?

Perhaps an example might illustrate.

When a leaf falls from a tree, is the leaf then dead? One can answer this question a number of ways.

The form of that individual leaf will begin to decompose, so it's entirely reasonable to state that leaf is dead or dying.

However, the component chemical parts of the leaf aren't going anywhere, except back up the tree to make new leaves.

Do we define the leaf as the form of an individual leaf, or the actual physical stuff the leaf is made of? One ends, the other continues.

Given all this muddle, the practical logical clear minded question may be, how shall we regard our own death?

I propose the practical logical clear minded answer might be, in any way that makes the regarding enjoyable.

When one is faced with a complete lack of knowledge to understand or affect the most deeply personal issue we face as human beings, making up fun stuff is a rational choice.

Imagine a terrified child dying of cancer, and the parents sitting on the edge of the bed telling the child they are going to heaven, a wonderful place. The parents are doing the rational thing, the only thing they have the power to do. All of us are that child, and those parents.

Some of us choose to make up a fantasy knowing that oblivion is coming. Ok, if it works for them, if it makes the anticipation fit comfortably within their minds, it's a good choice. Other people choose to make up a fantasy knowing about heaven or something else, an equally good choice.

The bottom line is, what works for the individual? What fantasy knowing makes the reality of our entirely powerless and completely ignorant situation more bearable for them? Each individual is the authority on what works best for them.

[weakmagneto]

Alf wrote: "What intrigues me is that my death will be a unique event in the universe. It has never happened before and it will only happen once. The fact that billions of human beings have died during history and a lot more will, every day, is not really relevant. My death will still be a unique event.

In a way, when I die, the world will die too. My world. The only one that exists for me. The one that started when I was born and will end with me. All the stars will wink out, all the people, cities, buildings, mountains, oceans will be gone too. Cats, dogs, butterflies, squirrels, deer, raccoons, roses, sunflowers all disappear."

Wow! I was just thinking about the same thing today, Alf. Then I stumbled upon this thread and your post. I have had a close call in the past and can say that I share your point of view.

I am just out of my 30's and try and live in the present. I love your attitude because it reflects my own. I love the way you think! :D

[philotic]

Hi Alf,

I find your posts very intriguing in that it seems a lot of "younger people" who I have known, understand the concept that they are going to die and become "nothing" (or go into oblivion), yet they still have those passions and drives you talk about. They still set goals, get worked up over issues, are full of life, etc. It is sometimes difficult for me to understand this, because I am young (25) and also recognize that our lives are very short and after death we will most likely at least lose our current consciousness, what we define as "us" essentially. Perhaps because I was slapped in the face with the reality of it while I was in the military, or maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time getting worked up over anything anymore. Nothing seems like a big deal, and I don't really stress out over anything, the downside is that it makes me uninterested in the majority of things as well. It does lead me to help out other people a lot more though, because I know that in their minds it is important (whatever it is), and i'd much rather see people happy than stressed.