Modern Day Wooing ?

[weakmagneto]

From your perspective:

How does a man show interest in a female (in person and online)?

OR

How does a female show interest in a male (in person and online)?

OR

Do you think online dating works?

[Marshall]

From your perspective:

How does a man show interest in a female (in person and online)?

OR

How does a female show interest in a male (in person and online)?

OR

Do you think online dating works?

I will try to answer. But I hope other people who know more about Modern Day Wooing also answer.
Has wooing changed in any significant way? I mean, since the invention of the telephone and the back seat
of the automobile?

Anyway I will try to answer and tell you how I think Modern Wooing works.

[Marshall]

couples meet in the the course of study or work
or on hikes in the outdoors, which is also like work in that you get to be aware of how the other person functions in moderately challenging situations, and interacts with the rest of the group
musicians meet at orchestra or band rehearsals

Meeting on the job is the paradigm that I compare other things to. In a small team working to finish a project, or keep a business running, or the academic/research equivalent, you get a feel of what the other person is like.
Intelligence and good will in a woman is very sexy, you see her interacting with other people and getting stuff done, and being funny and thoughtful and dependabe, and then it gradually dawns on you that she is also physically attractive. You begin to know the smell of her and an image that stays in your mind. Her body sort of imprints itself. But you only started to notice in the first place because she is a decent intelligent person who is good to have on your team at work.

That's how it is with a lot of couples I think, who meet in a kind of ideal grad school or work situation.

But then there is another route where both people want sex, and they are thrown together in some conventional social activity like a party or a dance or a college room mate introduction or a blind date. And they are both on the lookout for a possible sex partner. And then they just happen to click, hit it off with each other. That's a good effective kind of wooing too.

Meeting a prospective mate at work and getting to know them that way may be more for older people. Beyond college age.

I'm 75 and my wife and I were married in 1964. I'm not looking for a relationship of any kind. But I can tell you quite frankly that you, Magneto, make a very good impression in the at work sense. You have intelligence and initiative and seem to have good instincts and are a good judge of situations. You do not seem selfabsorbed. So you have the kind of qualities one would want in a partner or team-mate at work.

Maybe a discussion board is like a miniature work situation. Also you have a daughter who is interested in galaxies. What will happen when Andromeda and Milky merge? It is sexy to have a daughter who is smart and interested in things like that.

I don't know what good this information does you. Basically I don't think online wooing works. I can't imagine how you would really get to know someone. Maybe online is just an outlet, a relief from the frustration and boredom of the real world.

But maybe I'm wrong! Has anyone tried an online dating service? I'm getting interested (but in a purely academic sense). What can you tell us about it, anyone, if you have tried it?

[Watson]

A friend is or was on a dating site, and she was frustrated because the level of honesty is not there. There is no way to know the truth from fictional representation people make about themselves. But on the other hand people could meet online the same as anywhere else, and get to know each other starting with a common interest.

Wanting to meet the right person is probably the wrong common interest to start off with.

[BadgerJelly]

Ask questions

[Dave_Oblad]

Hi All,

I have been with Match-Com for almost 5 months. It isn't working. I have had three dates and in each case.. found the date to have been dishonest in presentation or omitted critical details in early communications.

One was divorced but living with ex-spouse(?) and secretive. (this happens a lot)
One was retired and wanted a 24/7 companion. (I still work)
One was a hard-core bible-thumper who thought "spiritual but not religious" meant didn't attend regular Sunday services. (how she billed herself)

The others fall into groups easily identified by email before meeting.

The hot young ones looking for a provider for their numerous kids.
The Diva's that bankrupted their ex-spouses.
The unrealistic ones looking for a handsome millionaire with beach house & travels a lot.
The Ego maniacs and Manic depressives.

The biggest group of all: The too quick to judge! No pleasing this last group.

In an introduction email:
You say too little and your being secretive, sly or lazy.
You say too much about yourself, your self centered.
You ask too much about them, your being too nosey.
You be funny, and your not serious enough or you're immature.
You be serious and you're no fun.

Emails are virtual landmines, just waiting to explode in your face.
So if you are a masochist and love lots of rejection, online dating is perfect for you.

And they say pretty much the same things about the Men adding Serial Daters and Players.

Unlike young people, us old farts have become too settled and rigid, thus making the finding of a compatible match almost impossible, with so many variables.

And if you have any baggage at all, forget it. And who doesn't have some sort of baggage?
I take care of my elderly mother.. she lives with me. That alone scares off so many prospectives.. as they have no desire to live under the roof with a mother-in-law.

And if your prospective doesn't live next door, well.. no one wants to re-locate.

So, I'm thinking I'll join a club or perhaps dance lessons. Something that will mix me with local prospectives that can create a situation for social interaction and gradual emersion into the others life.

Anyway, some input from someone that's been there, is there, and ready to look elsewhere.

Best wishes,
Dave :^)

[Marshall]

... people could meet online the same as anywhere else, and get to know each other starting with a common interest...

BINGO not knowing anything about it I nevertheless want to agree!

If you are isolated by logistic restrictions, time, place, etc. so that you want to use the internet, then maybe you could develop online ACTIVITIES, where you pursue common interests

if you like river-rafting, start an online river-rafting magazine and get other people to contribute photos and text.

if you like Gothic Novels about vampires, start an online vampire magazine and get other people to contribute photos and text, find old pictures of vampires, dress up as vampires and so on

In my case it would be working Cryptic Crossword puzzles by email. It is easy to do via email. What did you get for 17-down? I like doing that. I don't go for either river-rafting or vampires.

You set up moderately challenging situations and interact with people and get to know them by how they act in a mildly challenging situation.

My brother in law found a very good wife by taking up English Country Dancing. She's wonderful. The ACTIVITY brought them together. Scottish Country Dancing is much harder, you have to be really smart to remember all the moves. My other sister-in-law was in a SCD community, members kept marrying and sometimes the kids would even take up SCD. It was very ingrown, in a nice way. A challenging activity where you learn something about what stuff the other person is made of. Is he dependable? Is she a good sport? etc. Can he remember the next 10 moves of the dance? I did not like those people all that much but I had to respect them.

I like singing, where you stand still, rather than jumping around. But whatever works for you :-D

I can't think of any ONLINE activity that, for meeting and courtship, is as good as country dancing. Or Sierra Club hikes. But there might be. Regional discussion boards? Do they exist? Like a discussion board that is ONLY for people living in Northern Idaho? Talk about Northern Idaho issues news and gossip.

Then if you liked somebody you could arrange to drive over and meet them in person. Could a regional discussion board be INTERESTING enough, with only a limited population to draw on, limited pool of talent.

[Watson]

Well I have have been married longer than I have been single so I'm still enjoying the freedom. The last thing I want is some else adding their expectation into my life.