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Marshall wrote:I can't do it. I think I understand the game and it sounds delightful (for someone who can improvise haiku)
The form is 5-7-5 syllables. So your last line, which is "a light lace carpet", could serve as the first line of a new haiku.
If it was natural to me to think up haiku, I could make up a new one:
A light lace carpet,
-X- -X- -X- -X- -X- -X- -X-
-X- -X- -X- -X- -X-
All I would have to do is fill in a syllable for each symbol -X-
Well, like this, for instance.
A light lace carpet:
Please step deliberately!
Rash moves will ruin it.
But that doesn't sound to me like a haiku. Actually I am not sure how one should sound. I don't normally write original poems. I simply have a hearty appetite for rhymed verse---enjoy it a lot, but don't make it up myself.
BTW I like your "black fir" revision. It's clear now. A delicate image neatly wrapped in 3 lines.
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violet wrote:[Gingerly downward,
Tumbleweeds on stones of chance
Land with a whisper.
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justathought wrote:sorry to just jump in
Pressed in oakleaf-runes
In open book, see dry dreams
Pressure mimes the glue
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Positor » Mon Aug 18, 2014 3:35 pm wrote:Quantum mechanics
counterintuitively
shows that God plays dice
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Hendrick Laursen » Mon Aug 18, 2014 11:37 pm wrote:Cover the truth so what!
Making a dirty spot?
Full in date see this shut...
By Martin Laursen.
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