Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby davidm on August 18th, 2018, 9:50 pm 

As don't they all. ;)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on August 22nd, 2018, 5:32 am 

AN ITALIAN ALTAR BOY'S CONFESSION

ITALIAN ALTAR BOY CONFESSION




"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Dominic Savino?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads."
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on August 25th, 2018, 1:33 am 

Saw this in a local timber supplier's office:

"When you are DEAD,
You don't know you are DEAD.
All of the pain is felt by others.

The same thing happens when you are stupid."
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Event Horizon on August 25th, 2018, 4:22 pm 

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat-mate!

Two birds stood by the highway.
One crossed, but the other was chicken!

The only thing worse than a giraffe with a sore throat is a millipede with sore feet!

Leprichaun: Hey, I can make you rich.
Tourist: How?
L: Just come in the bushes here..
T: Well, OK.
Some time later..
T: So am I rich?
L: How old are you?
T: 43
L: And you still believe in Leprechauns..
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on August 29th, 2018, 6:56 am 

Recalcitrant speaker-phones, complicated flags to colour in - it's been a tough week for #45.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRV7NbZ8SXA
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Reg_Prescott on August 30th, 2018, 4:13 am 

How do you think the unthinkable?

You ram it into an itheberg.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby BadgerJelly on August 30th, 2018, 11:10 am 

Reg_Prescott » August 30th, 2018, 4:13 pm wrote:How do you think the unthinkable?

You ram it into an itheberg.


This joke doesn’t work unless you make a comment about lisps.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on August 30th, 2018, 11:39 am 

It works fine. I got it right away.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Reg_Prescott on August 30th, 2018, 11:40 am 

Braininvat » August 31st, 2018, 12:39 am wrote:It works fine. I got it right away.



Workth.

Duh

:)
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby BadgerJelly on August 30th, 2018, 11:44 am 

Maybe I’m just too dumb in this area.

My fav joke is ...

What is E.T. short for?
-

-

-


- Because he’s got little legs.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on August 30th, 2018, 12:41 pm 

I like that one. Oldie, but goody.

This is the joke my wife most requests....I refrain from telling:

Two guys walk into a bar.

A third guy says, "Wow, that must have hurt!"
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Reg_Prescott on August 30th, 2018, 12:47 pm 

A sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Piss off. We don't serve food here."
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby BadgerJelly on August 30th, 2018, 1:31 pm 

Where do you weigh whales?

- At the whaleweigh station.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on August 31st, 2018, 7:05 am 



The 'unthinkable' revisited
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Event Horizon on August 31st, 2018, 3:33 pm 

Have you met the Scottish gay couple yet? Ben Doon and Phil Macavity?

What is the collective name for a group of Irish hogging the bar?
A thicket. (I'm 1/2 Irish, so PC nonsense does not apply here)

An Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman have been in a Persian jail for 40 years. On the anniversary the guard took pity and gave them a lamp. They were cleaning it when a Genie suddenly appeared.
"Ah." Says the Genie you can have one wish each seeing as there's three of you.
The Scotsman spoke first. I wanna be at home with a pretty nymphomaniac. He promptly vanishes.
The Englishman says, "I'd like a big mansion and more money than I can ever spend. He too vanishes.
The Irishman said, "Come back later,I can't decide"
A few days later the Genie came back.
The Irishman said, "Thank God you came back. I'm so lonely. I wish my mates were here"!
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on September 13th, 2018, 7:12 am 

NWS.jpg

I don't think this was Photoshopped either.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on September 13th, 2018, 9:47 am 

Florence may be needing a more masculine name...
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on September 17th, 2018, 3:03 pm 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/opi ... d51eff0220

Petri dishes out some mordant humor.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on September 19th, 2018, 1:32 pm 

cathay-pacific.jpg
You had one job !
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on September 19th, 2018, 10:42 pm 

A woman walks into a welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
'Wow,' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?"


'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having
Heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, 'sit down Billy.' All the children rush to find seats.


"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here
To sign up. I'll need all your children's names."


"Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Billy
And the girls are all named Billie."

In disbelief, the case worker says, 'are you serious?
They're all named Billy?'


Their mamma replied, 'Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it's
Time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, Billy!
And when it's time for dinner, I just yell Billy! And they all
Come running. And if I need to stop the kid who's running
Into the street, I just yell Billy and all of them stop. It's
The smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Billy.'


The case worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her
Forehead and says tentatively, 'but what if you just want
One kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'

'Then I call them by their last names.'
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Braininvat on September 29th, 2018, 6:41 pm 

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on September 29th, 2018, 7:18 pm 

Good one BiV! I think it could be extended into a book.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby hyksos on October 9th, 2018, 6:23 pm 

Truth in advertising.
49kplsspvjq11.jpg
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on October 9th, 2018, 7:32 pm 

Dr_Who.jpg
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on October 20th, 2018, 3:59 am 

Toronto_ML.jpg

The Toronto Maple Leafs haven't won the Stanley Cup since 1967, and aren't likely to do so in the next 50 years either, but their long-suffering fans will at least be able to munch Doritos and have a laugh about it.
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