Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby charon on July 30th, 2019, 12:32 pm 

Time travel?

Been there, done that, invented the T shirt.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on August 15th, 2019, 9:19 pm 

A drover, who just moved to Queensland from Victoria, walks into a bar and orders three glasses of XXXX.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the drover,
"You know, a glass goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cattleman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One's in 'Tassie' , the other one's a 'sandgroper'.
When we all left our home in Echuca, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The drover becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The drover looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine,’ he explains,
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Salvation Army and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though."
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on August 25th, 2019, 6:05 am 

"Should I be worried 'bout that Gator ?"
"Naw dude, it's a simple approach shot with a 4 iron, and then roll up to the pin."

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on September 5th, 2019, 5:01 pm 

The picture says it all.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on September 6th, 2019, 8:19 pm 

Dogs can be a problem these days
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on September 13th, 2019, 3:21 am 

Life's Opportunities
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby TheVat on September 17th, 2019, 6:47 pm 

https://thehill.com/homenews/media/4617 ... ofessional

Who knew normal human empathy was so difficult to fake? JFC!
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on September 19th, 2019, 6:12 pm 

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."

The man said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".

The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.

“The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair”
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_C on September 19th, 2019, 8:23 pm 

TheVat » September 17th, 2019, 5:47 pm wrote:https://thehill.com/homenews/media/461786-trump-cokie-roberts-never-treated-me-nicely-but-was-a-professional

Who knew normal human empathy was so difficult to fake? JFC!

The man couldn't pass a Turing test let alone fake empathy.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on September 20th, 2019, 8:11 pm 

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby TheVat on September 24th, 2019, 10:11 am 

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby TheVat on September 25th, 2019, 4:29 pm 

Rudy Giulani was recently spotted wandering a grocery aisle in Greenwich Village, opening milk cartons to check their freshness....

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby TheVat on September 25th, 2019, 4:36 pm 

Meanwhile, the whistleblower has come forward to give a full report of telephone conversations overheard, while working in the White House Situation Room, between Donald Trump and Ukraine's new president....

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on October 2nd, 2019, 4:31 pm 

A modern touch in churches
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby Dave_C on October 4th, 2019, 12:35 pm 

I spoke to a prophet recently. He told me the year 2020 would be a year of great hindsight.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby charon on October 13th, 2019, 7:12 am 

My wife always complained that I had no sense of direction. So I packed my bags and right.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby charon on October 13th, 2019, 10:08 pm 

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak is thinking up something else.

Lily Tomlin
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby TheVat on October 14th, 2019, 11:40 am 

LOL. Ms. Tomlin honored twice in the past few postings. She's a great comedian and humorist.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on October 15th, 2019, 6:29 pm 

Snail Pace
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby toucana on October 18th, 2019, 3:18 am 

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby doogles on October 23rd, 2019, 4:36 am 

Mmm.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby hyksos on November 5th, 2019, 12:26 pm 

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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby TheVat on November 5th, 2019, 1:33 pm 

And sometimes "didn't" gets inserted by mistake. Like "MBS didn't order the slaughter of Jamal Khashoggi."

That said, can't say I've ever heard anyone say "pacifically" for "specifically."

My personal language pet peeve is when people misuse "literally," when they mean quite the opposite. E.g. "that burrito literally burned my tongue off!" Pretty sure you meant that figuratively.
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Re: Laughter IS the best medicine! (Jokes, Humor, Cartoons!)

Postby charon on November 5th, 2019, 7:31 pm 

What do you get when you throw a copy of the Canterbury Tales in the air?

A flying Chaucer.
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